Chase the Devil

I'm dreaming. My son and daughter are sleeping at my parent's house, in the room my brother and I used to share. My brother's bed is pushed up in front of the double window that overlooks our quiet, leafy street. The streetlamp in front of the house opposite ours acts like an oversized nightlight, a klieg light really. Despite the pull-down shades and curtains, yellowish light makes the room glow.

To my annoyance, I notice that someone keeps rearranging my kids in their sleep, moving them around the bed or onto the floor. Then I realize that it is a presence...something bad. I have to protect my kids, but cannot see who or what is threatening them. Then I see the closet. It is definitely in the closet. It always is (and as a kid, you know damn well that the two closet doors in our room were shut tight before I went to bed each night).

I know I must cast this malevolent presence out of the house before he can harm the wee ones, and I'm struggling to find the right "Exorcist" words..."power of Christ...I cast thee..." No. "By the power of God I command thee...no." My throat is parched, scratchy, hoarse. It's a croaky whisper at first, but I finally manage to force out a relatively brave "Christ be with you!" Not exactly a menacing can of whoop-ass to unleash on the Devil, but it's all I had at the moment. (Yes, I was searching for "the power of Christ compels you," which I heard on "Family Guy" on Adult Swim a few nights before.)

Who knows what the hell happened next, because I woke myself up yelling "Christ be with you!"

Now, since I've been having some trouble with snoring, I've been sleeping on the sofa, right up against the wall of our neighbor's bedroom. Now, for whatever reason, all the other walls in our apartment are really thick and soundproof, except for this one. After my outburst, and I'm worried that I've woken up my wife or kids, because I was freakin' LOUD, I clearly hear a cough from next door. Great, I woke up my neighbor, who hates us anyway, because the kids are always up at 6 am making a racket, and now I go yelling some crazy religious phrase out at two o'clock in the morning.

Oh well, at least they didn't hear the chicken sacrifice I performed last week...