Do What You Want, 'Cos this is the New Art School
Way back in the late 70s, if you were on a school tour of the Museum of Modern Art in Manhattan, they would give you these round, day-glo orange stickers to put on your shirt or jacket to identify yourself as part of a visiting group. At the time, I was a shy, insecure sixth grader, always content to be amused by the look-at-me shenanigans of my more extroverted classmates, and there was always plenty of amusement on hand. As any adult who knows what it’s like to be among a hoard of middle-school boys, it was a struggle for some of us to be good and proper representatives of our WASPy, Episcopal choir school (another story for another day) in our matching blue jackets with their embroidered school emblems, gray slacks, and blue and gold striped ties. Yet, by the grace of god and fear of human retribution, we made it to the end of the tour without incident, and I’m sure our masters (in plain English: our teachers) were eager to get us the hell out of there before anything could mar this perfect outing.
If only there hadn’t been this oversized painting of dozens of perfect, day-glo orange circles hanging near the coat check we were milling about. If only Kelsey hadn’t done the most logically impulsive thing that any sixth-grade boy would do and take his sticker, which was the EXACT same size and color as the painted orange circles (to our amazement, it really was a perfect match!), and plonk it on the canvass of this museum-quality, world-class work of art (I don’t think we ever even knew whose work of art it was). If only the rest of us had just stayed silently stunned as we did when we watched this all unfold in slow motion, instead of guffawing and pointing to the vandalizing sticker, we all would have made it out of the museum without being busted. Perhaps in a day or two, the camouflaged sticker would have fallen off and no one would have been the wiser. A foolish prank that I’m sure some in the art world would have loved. Instead, my friend Kelsey – one of the nicest, funniest, most guileless people around – was snagged by the man. (The guard only noticed what was going on after we all stupidly drew attention to ourselves and the painting and Kelsey.) The NYPD was summoned and he was actually taken off in handcuffs (we’re talking a sixth grade boy here!). I forget if Kelsey was expelled at that point or simply was not invited back for seventh grade, but he joined the swelling ranks of bad boys and good that our class seemed to shed every year. He was made an example.
The last I heard of Kelsey was that he later became a gourmet chef. And I always wonder who at MOMA had the brilliant idea to give out neon stickers to school kids? Idiot. You bet that they changed that policy after we were there.
If only there hadn’t been this oversized painting of dozens of perfect, day-glo orange circles hanging near the coat check we were milling about. If only Kelsey hadn’t done the most logically impulsive thing that any sixth-grade boy would do and take his sticker, which was the EXACT same size and color as the painted orange circles (to our amazement, it really was a perfect match!), and plonk it on the canvass of this museum-quality, world-class work of art (I don’t think we ever even knew whose work of art it was). If only the rest of us had just stayed silently stunned as we did when we watched this all unfold in slow motion, instead of guffawing and pointing to the vandalizing sticker, we all would have made it out of the museum without being busted. Perhaps in a day or two, the camouflaged sticker would have fallen off and no one would have been the wiser. A foolish prank that I’m sure some in the art world would have loved. Instead, my friend Kelsey – one of the nicest, funniest, most guileless people around – was snagged by the man. (The guard only noticed what was going on after we all stupidly drew attention to ourselves and the painting and Kelsey.) The NYPD was summoned and he was actually taken off in handcuffs (we’re talking a sixth grade boy here!). I forget if Kelsey was expelled at that point or simply was not invited back for seventh grade, but he joined the swelling ranks of bad boys and good that our class seemed to shed every year. He was made an example.
The last I heard of Kelsey was that he later became a gourmet chef. And I always wonder who at MOMA had the brilliant idea to give out neon stickers to school kids? Idiot. You bet that they changed that policy after we were there.
posted by Steve from Moon | 7:12 PM
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